I Used to Love Her...and I Still Do

Following the suggestion of Dr. Randy Pausch, the author and lecturer of The Last Lecture, I have recently been spending a lot of time thinking about my childhood dreams. Growing up I always had aspirations of making music. Remember, I've been with Mtv since the beginning when they were still about music. As I was trying to navigate my way through adolescence, Hip-Hop was my main outlet. My freshmen and sophomore years of high school or what I like to refer to as “The Awkward Years” were all about Hip-Hop. Since the 80’s Hip-Hop has been a constant in my life.

Upon deep reflection on what my childhood dreams were, not many came to mind. I remembered telling my father that I wanted to be an auto mechanic when I grew up. Apparently, during that stage of my life I was fascinated with cars. My father told me that that was a wonderful goal and just to make sure I was the best mechanic in the shop. As I got older that conversation has always stuck with me. Somewhere along the way I shared that story with someone and they told me that they would not expect their child to be the best mechanic in the shop but rather the best mechanic that he/she could be. I agreed.

As for one of my other dreams I have come to realize that I have never been in a more strategic position to fore fill it. My last two/three years (don’t ask) of high school were during the Golden Era of Hip-Hop and all I ever wanted to do was make it in the music industry. While the money and notoriety was appealing, aside from a deep passion and love for the music that defined my culture, what I really wanted was a way to keep the cipher going. I dreamed of making it so that I could buy a house, build a studio in it, and create timeless music with my crew.

While "making it" in the music industry is no longer my dream, I would love to be able to create some Hip-Hop that my contemporaries could enjoy, learn from and relate to. More importantly, I would love to create something that would give my children a view into my mind and allow them to see what makes me tick. And thankfully, I am in the perfect position to do it. I am surrounded by some of the most amazing and talented people anyone could ever ask for. One of my Pastors is incredibly talented and is my church’s Worship Leader. One of my best friends growing up in Colorado earns a living “living his dream” creating music. He is a composer who scores movies, one third of Sign Language music, the DJ of Desperation Band, a missionary, an amazing disciple of Christ and is probably one of the humblest people I know. He has connected me with an amazing beatsmith who lives in my area who is willing to mentor me in the art of making beats on the MPC. I have previously been using an ASR. One of my close friends is a Legend in the world of Street Culture and is starting a music label and has expressed an interest in collaborating with me. My daughter has a classmate whose father is an incredible DJ, producer, and emcee. We actually crossed paths online before he moved to the neighborhood. Nothing just happens. I am so thankful that God in His providence has orchestrated a way for me to be able to make this dream come true at this stage of my life.

So with God’s blessings, fresh inspiration, a renewed sense of purpose, and much prayer I’m off to make some childhood dreams come true. And you should too!

"Where words fail, music speaks" --Miles Davis

Thank you Randy. The Last Lecture has truly blessed me. May you rest in the Peace of God!



Photo credit: Me in Bluesweats Studio when it was just Luke's room. circa 1997

Editor’s note: The title I Used to Love Her is a reference to a Common Sense song by the same name dedicated to Hip-Hop.